To prepare for retirement, I’m completing my doctorate in psychology with an emphasis in pastoral counseling. I want to serve my congregation as a counselor and focus on difficult issues involving men. I was in my mid-30s when an older deacon made a joke about how middle-aged men stop having sex with their wives. I was stunned! The thought had literally never entered my mind. Thirty years later, I’ve heard it many times. A couple years ago, I was reading a book about how young men stop having partnered sex because their porn use interferes with their ability to maintain arousal. I was reading while eating breakfast at a local diner, and my young-adult waitress asked me what the book was about. When I told her, she said I was describing her husband. (New Englanders typically tell you what they think, but that candor was a bit out of the ordinary.) I realized at that moment, this issue is everywhere and affects men of all ages, and I had never heard this topic openly discussed in any forum!

My subsequent research revealed virtually no research has asked men how this experience affects their lives or how they cope with it. This lack of insight broke my heart as I thought about all my brothers who have struggled with this experience. So, I decided I would try to do a small part of the research myself. I knew I could turn to you—my church family—to help me gather the insights that would help other men and their counselors address some of the emotional and spiritual pain connected with this experience. I thank you in advance for your courage, and I pray that our work together will be a blessing to men everywhere.